Yogini Linguine Ballerini
May 3, 2013 § 6 Comments
As my bio states, “I’m wild about words.”
So when one of my yoga teachers shared this video explaining the common mispronunciation of the word yogini (the “super common way” to reference a practitioner of yoga, which I consider myself to be) I watched and listened with that ooey gooey feeling only word nerds get from lessons on language.
I won’t try to recap, because Ina does such a good job explaining the Sanskrit definitions and meanings, specifically the foundation of the words yoga and yogini (you must wear your thinking cap or forget it).
But the highlight of the video is the shocking realization that the word yogini is in fact not pronounced like linguine or ballerini, but actually sounds more like guinea.
Like, as in guinea pig.
This might be the one word rule where I choose rebellion over rightness.
M.
I’d much rather be a yogini linguine ballerini over a yoguinea pig.
You?
Six Steps to Starting a Social Media Business
April 24, 2013 § 9 Comments
In college (twenty years ago) I took a course called “Better Business Practices,” where having a plan was lesson number one.
At the time of this course, however, I had my eyes on New York (a different plan) and didn’t pay enough attention to the good advice of Mr. Knowledgable Teacher.
These days, floating in between two worlds; the married stay-at-home-mom world and the your-own-your-own-babe world; I realized I’d better get serious about what it is I’m choosing to do with my time.
Unfortunately, my forty-one years of life on this planet has ingrained some behaviors that have been somewhat tough to kick.
Procrastination?
Check.
Stubborness a.k.a. I’ll do it my way, mixed with seat of my pantsness?
Check.
Life on your own babe means that usual procrastination is over. Better organization is the key to the future, and time management is a must (get control, girl).
Based on loads of research and a year and a half of willy nilly blogging, here’s what I’ve learned, some of which has already been accomplished.
1. Get a LLC.
LLC stands for limited liability company. Sounds complicated, but isn’t.
Like a corporation, a LLC is “its own entity” and therefore protects its owner’s personal property should the LLC ever have debts it can’t pay, or get into legal trouble for which its held responsible.
Once you choose your LLC’s name and pay the fee, you receive a tax identification number, open a bank account, and do business all under the company’s new identity (this protects your personal privacy, too).
After lots of google searching and conversations with blogging buddies (who’d already created their LLC’s), I chose to go the Legal Zoom route, which was so easy I was able to do it over the telephone in the back corner of my bustling Starbucks. I settled on Wills Media Group, of which I am the CEO.
In one month I received a complete kit inside a box, with my LLC etched in gold letters along the spine.
For now, its been tucked away as I line up the rest of the necessities to get this business ball rolling.
2. Complete your press kit.
My press kit’s been done for months, but I’ve been sitting on it, afraid to send it out.
The truth is that my numbers didn’t look that great; my bounce statistics need some attention, and I’ve got to find a way to recruit returning users (looks like I need to do a newsletter, but ugh to newsletters).
I’ve recently gotten over myself enough to send out a few, but so far no bites.
After another round of discussions with my blogging buddies, it turned out that I didn’t have my stats correct. Foolishly, I’d only included my page hits since moving to self-hosting.
Since I’d only had google analytics since January, I neglected to mention that I’d actually had over 40,000 page views. My messed up stats told a different story; one of a baby blogger with hardly any readers.
Press kit cleaned up, I’m again sending them out like resumes. My old school opinion about job procurement is that if you send out a few a day, someone will become interested. Let’s hope this holds true in today’s struggling economy.
3. Figure out what you’re selling.
When I started to blog, creating a business was nowhere on the radar. I wrote as I ran, documenting the story of pudgy girl who liked to run, and always wanted to race that magical mileage, 26.2.
This re-awakened my love for writing.
Which then re-awakened my love for learning.
One of the biggest hurdles for me has been to get my brain around what it is that I’m trying to do.
- I want to write a book, must make the time.
- I must continue to blog, not only because I love it, but because of the contacts and friends I’ve made. It also keeps my name relevant; any business owner today needs a blog/website.
- I want to use my skills in writing, editing and marketing to help people with their businesses (have you entered the Little Bits Giveaway yet? Do it for a friend if you don’t have a baby!) .
- I want to rule the world.
D is a little joke, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I wanted my expertise to be noticed and utilized.
4. Get a schedule.
If you asked my mother, much to her chagrin, she’d say I’m on the computer all day.
Yes mother, I know.
Social media is a time suck, because the information coming through the web is lightning fast. The ginormous amounts of literature on any subject becomes a force field that learners have trouble separating themselves from.
Most of the folks you’ll meet in social media are life-long learners. We learn from each other’s mistakes and triumphs, each other’s techniques and experiences.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned, heard often, is that an editorial calendar is key.
With my LLC waiting patiently on a shelf, nothing else can move forward until my calendar has been planned.
Google Documents has loads of free editorial calendar templates that I’m presently sifting through. The trouble is finding one that works for my business, which encompasses many areas from book writing to marketing to editing to straight blogging, and the always important attention to social sites.
Looking back over number 3 (above) is imperative to your plan. Here’s what I’m working with …
- Schedule blog posts, 2-3 per week.
- Schedule time for book planning.
- Decide what times and for how long will I give to Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest and Tumblr.
- Figure out when I’ll collaborate. Write Christine’s guest post? Meet with Lauren (LouLouBean) about giveaway number 2? And so on.
- Do research.
- Read and respond to other blogs.
- Answer job listings via Craig’s List (or other job offering sites). You’d be surprised the connections I’ve made with up and coming companies looking for writers and marketing assistance in my area.
- Analyze blog settings, widgets, etc. Periodic clean-up is necessary to keep a blog looking fresh.
5. Get paid for my work.
At this point, the payments are trickling in. Just this week I printed out and sent my very first invoice for two hours of content and copy editing, done for a business owner who reads my blog.
To say it was fun is an understatement. Getting paid for my work; empowering.
Other ways that bloggers (and I) get paid is through joint marketing and blog advertising.
Last month I worked with BlogHer Publishing Network to help promote the re-release of Disney’s Moulan, and there are more opportunities coming down the pike.
Recently, Joanna at Poppy’s Style, led me to a company called Commission Junction who work with bigger companies (there are lots to choose from) aiding in advertising campaigns.
I signed up, and within days was given approval for some of my favorite brands’ ads now linked to my site. When a visitor clicks on an ad, they’re taken to the website, and if a purchase is made, I can make a small commission. There’s not huge money in this unless your blog is receiving a ton of traffic, but it is something and important part of blogging as a business.
6. Accept that I need a real job.
This one was tough. When you like what you do, it’s all you want to do. But starting a business not only takes time and hard work, it takes cold hard cash.
Looking at my skill set I’ve chosen to focus on areas that will bring satisfaction, but also allow me some time to continue to work on my first love and passion; my biz.
M.
What’s your plan? Have you taken any of the steps above? Please share!
Invoice #001. You gotta start somewhere.
Home Again Home Again Living in Light
April 16, 2013 § 8 Comments
All I’d like to do is sit and write a post about the many things I learned this weekend in what turned out to be a love-filled three days of quality time spent with family.
But as I imagined might happen, life sucked me back into its flow and the must do now list has left blog posts for last.
With the ten minutes I have to myself, I’m watching the clock for pre-school release, waiting in my air-conditioned car, for the first time writing to you via mobile means.
When I have more time (and a much smaller list of necessary to do’s), I’ll post in a more familiar manner.
For now I leave you with the thought that’s confronted me yet again; this time coming from the most unexpected place.
Often, the greatness in things is overpowered by the hatred/jealousy/sickness in others.
Living in light is the test, then, to ensure you don’t let it/them/fear win.
I think I did okay.
M.
Thinking of Boston and joining the running community by wearing my favorite race shirt in honor of the victims. Are you?
The Rules for Living With Your Ex
April 1, 2013 § 5 Comments
I wrote this months ago and sent it off to a variety of editors for publication.
For whatever reason, it didn’t get picked up (some had divorce writers on staff, others just weren’t interested), leaving me frustrated. It’s actually really hard to get work published for pay.
I should preface that although this is an article about the steps to follow in order to cohabitate peacefully with an ex, it doesn’t not mean I’ve got it all figured it out.
Just ask my poor girlfriends who’ve fielded calls (and texts) from me day and night, talking, walking me through the most recent trauma/worry/frightened future unknowns.
Divorce is tough and you need friends to remind you of who you were long before marriage was even on the radar.
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According to the Census Bureau, over one million divorces occurred in 2009, a sad statistic (especially if you are like me, about to become a member of that unfortunate group).
Divorce is an ugly reality for many of us; good people who couldn’t make it work despite our best intentions.
For my husband and me, once divorce was on the table, it took good mediation to sort out the big issues like custody and support. Forced to cohabitate due to a stressed financial situation, the smaller, day-to-day issues have not been as easy to navigate.
After months of practice (both with the rules and without), continuous legal bills (which come even when no lawyers have been called), and stress that mounts when you aren’t looking, following this list of rules can make life bearable.
1. Be Kind.
In our situation, it was clear early on that there wasn’t the extra cash flow to support two families in two separate households. While waiting to list our home for sale, we realized that we would have to live under the same roof, though moving into separate bedrooms gave adequate space for privacy.
Not always, but often, people who traverse so far down into the marriage doldrums find themselves feeling everything but kindness for their spouse. Harsh words pass more easily than kind words, so the idea that kindness is the top priority may feel foreign and false.
This is okay. It doesn’t mean that you are excusing your spouse for the perceived faults that led to the separation, or that you are allowing yourself to be put in a position of weakness.
Quite the opposite, you are gathering strength by demonstrating a behavior that makes you a better person; a singular entity on your own human journey.
It’s not always easy to be kind to the person you are divorcing, no matter the reasons for the separation. For both parties, it’s important find a way to make it a priority, because whether you know it the kids are listening, and feeling legitimate stress from the toxicity of an unhappy environment.
2. Your Spouse is Not the Enemy.
Okay, maybe in some ways they feel like the enemy. And most of the time, while living with the person with whom you are dissolving a once incredibly close relationship it is smart to practice a certain level of self-protection, needed to keep your head clear and your heart safe.
There are so many mixed emotions involved with a divorce. Much like a death, the levels of grief are real and one can expect to feel anger (followed by relief, sadness, happiness, hope, despair, back to anger and around again).
The feelings are real, but by remembering that your spouse was once a person that you loved, you might be able to find a way to work together in the best interest of the kids. If you cannot find it within you to be kind, if you are too angry or hurt to communicate, focus on your kids and go from there.
Does someone need to go to gymnastics or Cub-Scouts? Would you like to take him/her? Ask if you can help. Try participating in areas you might not have before. It goes a long way in learning to co-parent.
It’s also is of great benefit to remove yourself from the line of fire if someone is expressing anger or hurt feelings in front of the kids. It happens, but removing your body from the situation gives it time to diffuse.
3. Change the Rules and the Roles.
One of the most responsible decisions two parents can make is in finding ways to ease the transition for their kids. Often, the parental roles that have been constant in a child’s life have also played a part in the crumbling of the marriage. Because of this, the roles (and rules of engagement) need adjusting.
In my situation, the changes made were only determined with a full day of expensive mediation.
Here is an example of how we adjusted our roles for the benefit of our kids:
Since the beginning, I’ve been the primary care giver for my girls, while their dad has been the provider. Our two roles barely ever crossed.
In order to help ease the transition for the kids, I conceded to spending a few nights a week at my mother’s house so that my husband could learn to do the bedtime routine with the kids. Though it took some coaxing from my attorney to convince me that this was a good idea, the benefits have been tremendous, especially for me who didn’t realize how much I needed the break from my routine.
My husband agreed that he needed to begin to do many of the things he’d never had to do before in order to properly care for our kids. He visited the pediatrician to learn what goes in to caring for our asthmatic daughter, and is learning the skills necessary when tending to fussy fashionistas who won’t wear the pants that “tickle” and who try on everything once before leaving the house.
It’s hard for me not to butt in, but I think he’s getting it, and the kids are beginning to accept the changes, too. Isn’t this the ultimate goal?
4. Don’t Quiz the Kids.
At this sensitive time the kids are on high alert wanting to keep both parents happy. It’s important to recognize your intentions when you are asking your kids about their time with your spouse.
Ask yourself this, “Am I inquiring or investigating?”
“What did you have for dinner?”
Are you inquiring because you have a real interest in the food they ingested or are you investigating whether they were fed, or fed McDonalds, or fed AT ALL?
This rule has been hard for me, but I’m learning that when I come home after time away, my questions should be ones of inquiry. I don’t need to investigate their dad.
Are the kids safe? Are they happy? If they are, nothing else matters.
Of course, if your kids have been out of your care for a week and were never bathed (or never had their teeth brushed, or something else you find worrisome) you’ll recognize it soon enough, at which point the issue most definitely should be discussed.
5. Practice Separation Time … in other words … Figure it Out Without the Other
Once of the most beneficial parts to making cohabitation work is having “separation time” work, too.
What does that mean?
At first, when I would leave for my Friday nights away, the texts from my husband would begin almost immediately.
Questions like, “Did you buy soap?” or, “ What time is the birthday party tomorrow morning?” would illicit quick responses on my part, resulting conversations that would continue until I returned home.
With technology, we were communicating more than we ever had.
This communication between my husband and me is a perfect example on how difficult it is to live with a separating spouse. It’s dangerous because it can often turn ugly.
Simple communication over birthday party start times can easily turn into text wars. Before you know it we’re be embroiled in full-on fights, negating the point of a peaceful separation time at all.
Unless it is a question or issue regarding the children’s well-being, do not respond to attempted communication.
6. Everything’s Gonna Be Alright.
I spent a month in children’s counseling convinced that I was there to help my daughters manage the behaviors I thought were being exhibited due to the divorce.
During our last few sessions I found myself in tears (kids quietly playing on the floor at my feet). Through a guided discussion with the therapist, I was able to see that my internal worry was the bigger problem. The tears subsided and my irrational fears (we’ll end up under a highway, my kids will grow up to be teenagers that hate me, I’ll never find a job, etc.) disappeared.
By facing the worst I was able to come to terms with the situation for what it really is; a transition to something new and unknown.
Kids adjust far better than we give them credit for. In the illustrious words of Bob Marley, “Everything’s gonna be alright.” Interestingly, ever since that day in the therapist’s office, the environment in our house has been much more peaceful and calm.
7. Just Do It.
There are still days when my husband makes me bat-crazy. The problems that led to the divorce remain, as we continue to live together (no doubt they will remain long after, too, when we have homes and lives of our own).
For the sake of my sanity and future happiness, for his, and for our amazing children, we’ve got to follow the rules set out above to ensure we all come out this as unscathed as possible.
Change is hard and evolution is inevitable, but it can be done with focused effort.
M.
Are you divorced? Have anything to add?
This photo is an example of how you can’t judge a family by the picture you see from the outside. And FYI… the peace sign is not meant to be rude. My husband’s not interested in being on the blog and isn’t it prettier than a big black smudge?
Journal Writing and the Healing Process
March 10, 2013 § 11 Comments
If you saw the list of unpublished blog posts that have stacked higher over the past few weeks, you’d know something was going on. Having sent a few of those unpublished pieces to friends who “could handle the truth,” and whom I knew would then shine the mirror back for me to see, openly shared that I might want to sit on them for a while. Things like this should never be published in the spur of the moment.
It became ever more obvious to me that what I’ve been writing aren’t blog posts at all, but journal entires; a different kind of writing for a totally different purpose.
My history with journal writing is intermittent, because I can’t stand the process. I’ve had only two periods of intense journal filling in my entire life. Both times I hand-wrote hundreds and hundreds of angst filled pages, until the day I didn’t have anything more to say, and the books were shut and hidden in closets (under beds, in storage, always exactly where I can get to them if I need to).
The thing about journal words is that they hold value while they’re being written, and maybe even a few days later. But they’re also like clouds that float on by, and once they’ve disappeared, are wisps of the past. They aren’t lies, necessarily, but perceptions of reality that sometimes hold less weight once they’ve been released.
Authentic journal writing is stream of consciousness. Other people’s feeling don’t matter. It’s a purely selfish and healing process.
For the sake of truth in writing, and because of a conversation I had yesterday with the wise and beautiful Monica, I am going to post a segment of a piece that I wrote a few weeks ago entitled, What it Feels Like to be Adopted, which I carried around for days until I found myself in tears over it late one night in a dark corner of Starbucks.
When everything gets stripped away and you find yourself in a place of confusion, fear and worry, how can you begin to heal in the tornado of that storm?
It’s not possible until the storm has passed.
Instead, you must care for yourself gently and without too many expectations, difficult for a person like me, absolutely full up of “self-pectations”.
If you can, you should write. Don’t add to the worry and fear and confusion about what it means, but accept it as a tool to lift you out of the pain.
M.
Do you write in a journal?
*********************************
You don’t look like anybody, so you never really belong anywhere.
Since you don’t look like anyone, you feel like the ultimate black sheep, but you’re born blond and pretty so you don’t look it on the outside, so you just stay kind of quiet, except when you throw temper tantrums because the crazy has to come out somehow.
You are very careful and loving, because you know that you are lucky to be there, and you’re pretty sure something’s crooked on the inside. But you’re a child, so your mind just goes through the motions. Days and nights.
You are loved and you know it. You are living in the 1%. Life is perfect.
But it is your life after all, and maybe the apple isn’t meant to fall so far from the tree, and I did fall from her, and “perfect” she was not, and so ended that fairytale. In its place something got fragmented, which seemed to fit better anyway.
I got used to it anyway.
My sister’s answers filled in the holes that I didn’t realize needed filling.
And suddenly it made sense.
Some people say that adopted people are the lucky ones because they were chosen, but you are smarter than that and they must think you’re really stupid, because the truth is that you were given away by a selfish mother who didn’t want you. She was more worried about her after-life and what God would have to say about the sins of abortion.
Who knows why the first two weren’t given away? They should have been. Boy, should they ever have.
When she woke up and realized that God was a good guise for forgiveness and redemption, she read his words and sang his praises and Lord did the people come to flock.
But her daughters were damaged and she never made amends and I’m the one left who holds the anger that no one else has the strength to carry.
I’m good at holding anger. I’ll harness it for all of the others who’ve dismissed it because they can’t understand it, for the one who is too far gone to understand it, for the one who is too loving to understand it.
I’ve been told it’s not mine to hold, but it is.
It belongs to me and I hold it in the same place I hold my loving God and all of the prophets that serve Him in their way. All those loving prophets help me hold the anger and lift it to the heavens and carry it around and sometimes release it and sometimes use it as a shield.
I might have been saved from it for all of those years; frolicking on sandy beaches, summer trips to Europe, pricey private girl’s schools and fancy houses. I didn’t have to wash my clothes in the bathroom sink for school the next day. And worse. Much worse.
What it feels like to be adopted was a bad title for this post.
It should have been titled, What it Feels Like to Learn the Truth.
After my sister/friend Bethy read the adoption piece, she emailed me back, first saying she wanted “wrap me in cotton balls.” She then asked me to try to find gratitude and acceptance… the other side of the anger. These are happiness jars, which I’m going to work on with my kids. My jar will be a gratitude jar, though, which I will try to fill at every grateful moment. I like the idea of lighting them once full and letting the happiness and gratitude lift out into the world.
I Know a Lot and I Know a Little
February 22, 2013 § 7 Comments
For the past two days I’ve worked on a post about the steps I’m taking to get my blog to begin to pay for itself. The trouble, I think, is that this has been the priority, the focus of all my social media research since I fled to self-hosting way back in December. Too much to encapsulate in less than 750 words (usually my goal).
The more I wrote, the more I harkened back to a conversation I had with my good friend Monica (she of The Revelation Project) a few weeks before.
She listened.
I lamented.
She called me a social media rock star (I admit I liked the sound of that).
I told her I didn’t know what the heck I was doing.
And herein lies the problem, and what she suggested that I write about.
I know bucket loads of information in regard to the social media ocean.
For something that started as a hobby, I know way more than I need to. And the technological stuff is what’s caught me off guard.
I thought I’d just be writing some paragraphs that people would read about marathon training. I had no idea I’d get jiggy off of HTML. I wouldn’t have believed that I’d enjoy hours of plugin experimentation. Seo’s and Google analytics and bounce statistics and traffic sources and the importance of email subscriptions (they’re really important, so do sign up okay?).
All of it (even my writing has tightened up) has lit a fire in my soul; lit a match to my entrepreneurial spirit that ignited my dying human spirit. Technology brought me back to life.
I decided, if you are really interested in learning about how to get your blog to pay for itself, go and read katy at katywidrick.com, because she is a wealth of information, totally self-taught, and really, really helpful. I spent two full days referencing her blog as I put together my press kit, which I now sit on, biting my nails and wondering when I’ll have the confidence to go out and sell all of this knowledge and ability?
After more than a year of blogging I know a lot more than I ever expected to, and yet in some ways I know very, very little.
Seat belt tightened as we are now almost four months into year number two. Like watching children grow. Don’t blink. It goes much too fast.
M.
Where are you on your journey in social media or otherwise? Do you find yourself still learning or are you stagnant in your career?
This photo has nothing to do with blogging or getting a blog to pay for itself. This is what you wear to Saturday morning yoga when you let your five-year-old pack your overnight bag.
Where Are Your Manners?
February 17, 2013 § 7 Comments
Last week I sent a friendly little email to a high-end fashion denim line with high-end celebrity clientelle (hint hint, they’re newest release has extremely curved seams, distressing, and a flattering boyfriend cut), alerting them to a spelling error in their website’s company bio.
I thought they’d want to know (I always want to know) as it looks really bad to have mistakes of the sort.
Imagine my surprise, when I went back to the site to check on the error to find that it had been fixed, and they never even sent an email back saying, “Thank you.”
It wouldn’t have taken much time. It would’ve been the right thing to have done.
It got my wheels turning in regard to manners in the social media realm.
Are they not important?
Just because we don’t see the people with whom we interact, aren’t we just as inclined to follow proper decorum/human kindness/general niceness?
M.
Thoughts?
Oops! apology card by Man vs. George, one of my favorite artists on Etsy. They also make a wonderful eiffel tower merci beaucoup card, but I thought the band-aid covered vase was appropriate here.
Funky
February 15, 2013 § 4 Comments
My modern-day funk-filled soul kept my body in the seat of the car yesterday after pulling into the driveway, pulsating to Florence Welch’s collaboration with Calvin Harris. My girls were strapped into their car seats having ingested a pound of sugar hearts, while reading Valentine cards with their friend’s names spelled out in different sized letters.
This morning, my funk-filled nose is keeping me from tomorrow morning’s yoga practice. A bummer, certainly, but I will not infect sweet Katie or the baby girl cooking in her belly with this annoying nose funk. It would not be fair or right, and totally against my deepest belief in doing what’s fair and right.
As far as being in a funk about that, I am not.
My mood is fine, and my spirit is actually on high this morning.
The sun is shining. It’s my mother’s birthday. My girl’s are excited about getting to choose four of those big Whole Foods cupcake’s (a grandmother birthday tradition).
I’m trying to keep the ball rolling from yesterday’s Love post. It’s very hard when you live with your separated spouse (God give me strength and please light a fire under the editors at Huff post … they really need to publish that article already).
I’ve got to keep my eye on the good, the light, the things that are fair and right.
M.
How’s your funk?
Warning: This video is an artistic interpretation of the song. If you are old-spirited or closed-minded you might find the visuals too violent or irrelevant to the song. It’s called art! 
House of Lies Grammar Mistake
January 28, 2013 § 4 Comments
With all of the crazy weather keeping me home on the nights that I’m supposed to leave so that Daddy can have Daughter Duty, I’ve been missing my Sunday night programming, usually watched under the heated blanket over in mom’s cozy, warm bed.
The new episodes of my favorites cable shows have begun. But with children in close proximity, my viewing pleasure has been only been possible in ten minute increments (thank you DVR) when my little ladies are out of earshot.
And then yesterday, like a gift from the Barbie Gods, the girls were playing in another room long enough for me to catch back to back episodes of House of Lies.
Don Cheadle is still king.
Kristen Bell packs a powerful emotional punch with her sweet face and whip-sharp delivery.
The writing might be the smartest on television; keeps me on my toes.
All signs point to a stellar second season (Jeannie on the turntable locking eyes with Marty!) and then …
When the twenty-second clip for next week’s episode aired, I sad-sighed over the incorrect use of my biggest grammar pet peeve; the overly mis-used, yet easily corrected with a second of forethought, me versus I dilemma.
Wrong! “There’s nothing going on between Marty and I!”
Right! There’s nothing going on between Marty and me!”
One day the world will get it right, and I won’t feel badly (about feeling badly) that it’s my duty to highlight the error.
M.
Do you have a grammar pet peeve? Why is this one so hard for the world to learn?
Girlchild – A Good Read
January 17, 2013 § 4 Comments
I’ve been listening to the debut novel Girlchild, written and narrated by Tupelo Hassman.
It’s the saddest, yet most intriguing story I think I’ve ever read. It’s sad, because of (Girchild) Rory D’s early suffering, the result of her place on the lower rungs of the socio-economic ladder. It’s intriguing because Tupelo’s words and voice are so true I’m having trouble accepting that the author and the young heroine aren’t one and the same.
Ms. Hassman is that good of an author.
Last week I saw a doctor with lots of framed diploma’s hanging on her walls (eight golden-framed diplomas) who spent an hour and a half talking with me …all about me.
“Why was I there? How is my sleep? Tell me about your upbringing?” etc.
They were all the usual questions a doctor asks a patient sitting uncomfortably at the end of a very soft leather couch and I answered each inquiry to the best of my ability, glossing over stuff that’s so old it doesn’t seem relevant anymore.
Often I was surprised by doctor lady’s physical reaction to my half-hearted attempts to sound completely fine with things that may not be.
“Oh dear,” said the sad eyes peeking over the laptop screen. ”Not fair,” said the furrowed, but soft and caring brow.
When she spoke the words, “that’s trauma,” words to match the eyes and the brow, I was surprised.
Trauma? If you say so.
In one of the last chapters I listened to today, Girldchild was discussing the directions you follow to draw a bird, any bird. You begin with an egg shape, because all birds come from eggs and so they fit in that shape.
The chapter went on to discuss how if a bird begins in an egg, and lives its life still shaped like an egg, then maybe all of us are like birds, permanently shaped from the places from whence we came.
But she reminded the reader that inside eggs are also wings that give the bird the ability to fly. They fly away, but can’t ever fly far enough to lose their egg-like shape; the shape that made them to begin with.
“You bet your sweet ass,” would have been R.D.’s response had someone else spoken those very same words; had they come to the very same conclusion.
She might have been poor and abused, but those truths didn’t negate that Tupelo’s Girlchild kept putting one foot in front of the other, was blessed with a reader’s mind, and was right about more than most people whose lives began glossy and never stray from the pretty.
Even if she never escapes the trailer park, I think this is the equation for a life well-lived. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, only where your going (even if it’s only in your mind).
I hope I’m not wrong.
My sweet ass is betting I’m not wrong.
M.
Have you read Girlchild?
