Free Bird Anxiety
May 20, 2012 § 14 Comments
Today I need to escape my kids, my husband, my house, my routine, and the repetition of the life I’ve created.
My head tells me that it’s a good thing.
Sunday morning yoga class is always good.
A trip to the toy store for a birthday present without my four-year olds in tow is great.
I’ll pick up the wrapped end of year teacher gifts without having to rush.
I want to sit at Starbucks where I’ll drink an iced Venti unsweetened green tea and get some undisturbed work done.
I don’t know on what. Maybe I could make sense of the Adsense craziness that is a new blog issue? Maybe I’d finish up my yoga article? Maybe complete the cover letters to publishers?
My heart tells me to stay; that it’s selfish to leave.
I shouldn’t be this eager to leave.
Maybe it’s my own fault for the way it’s been set up?
I’ve never gone out for girls night.
I’ve never left my kids overnight.
I am the one in charge of the children and I don’t have control over whether or not they are stimulated and played with and loved while I am gone.
And upon my return will the house still be standing or am I setting myself up for an afternoon of double duty; double kitchen cleaning, double toy putting away, double the mess removal?
The directional pulls to go or to stay fight me as I type.
Time has ticked too long and I know if I don’t move now I won’t go.
I’m off to shower to get ready for this day.
Still, I can’t help but wonder, do free birds really feel free when they are let out of their cage or do they fly around in circles waiting to get locked back inside where they know that they’re safe in the familiarity of home?
Wish me luck.