Maybe Buddhism

June 21, 2012 § 10 Comments

I was told that my chances of getting published are slim to none.

I was urged to have a backup plan.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

I don’t have a journalism degree.

The only professional who has ever told me that my writing was any good was my Seventh grade tutor, and really, she was being paid by my parents.

I have not been paid for my writing; have not made five cents in this endeavor.

It’s not about the money, friend.

It’s about passion. It’s about love. It’s about the need to express, so that I don’t go mad.

Mad as in crazy.

I have enough mad as in mad. Oh, you made me mad as in mad. It’s like that button has your name on it. It’s reserved especially for you.

Which makes me wonder.

I can’t control you or what you think or your lack of vision. I can’t make you see what I see.

I can only control how I react when that button gets pushed.

And I don’t like how I felt inside and how the blood under my skin started to boil and my anger at your belittment seethed. It felt like a simultaneous punch to the heart and gut and my writer’s spirit will not allow that kind of repugnancy and so my mouth flew open and the words spit themselves out.

Yes, it’s my protection. No, it isn’t right.

This is a character flaw. It’s why I have to write.

God can’t help me. Therapy can’t change me. My soul needs to understand how your mean cannot affect me.

I googled Buddhism and came across this.

It seems to encompass so many of the things that I need and it very well might be the path that leads to my enlightenment.

Since life is a journey and Rome wasn’t built in a day, this day I’ll focus on a moving image  on constant rotation in my house as a child. Barbra Streisand’s Funny Girl spoke to me then as she does now.

Don’t tell me not to fly, I’ve simply got to. If someone takes a spill it’s me and not you. Who told you your allowed to rain on my parade!

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§ 10 Responses to Maybe Buddhism

  • marc says:

    no matter what do not let anyone steal your Dream. stay to course. set a game plan in action and make it happen.

  • kaitwatts says:

    What you think about you bring about. Keeping pushing and pursuing what it is that you want to do. I have an education degree and I am suddenly finding myself down the path to the corporate world. Take baby steps. The will turn into even bigger steps and leaps of faith.

    • Running in Mommyland says:

      Totally agree! I have had many careers in my adult life, but this one is the kind that many people don’t understand, because of the risk and the lack of structure that they need to be successful in their own lives.

      I’m a firm believer in keppin’ on and I also always tell my kids that thing about stick and stones. I need to take my own advice and not be affected by hurtful words (especially from people with so little vision).

      XOM

  • Catherine says:

    Let’s chat. Something needs to change with the mad. (I mean it in two ways). Love you and thinking about you!

    • Running in Mommyland says:

      We do nee to chat!

      Miss you guys! We leave for Maine on Tuesday. Hopefully we can see you before then, but time is flying so fast and I haven’t even started to pack!

      What are you doing Saturday? Want to run with my group in the morning? We’re scheduled to run 8-10 but the pace group is @ 12:00 mile with walk breaks.

      xoxox

  • Don’t listen to the negativity… or the haters… 🙂 You are talented and can do it!!

    • Running in Mommyland says:

      Haters be hatin! 🙂 It’s kind of funny how I just sat down to write stream of consciousness and it really became more about my reaction to the hater than the hater’s words. It’s all good. I’m too stubborn to do things any differently than I’m doing them!!!

  • runnadinerun says:

    I agree, ignore the haters. Being published is hard work, keep at it, you have a strong writing style (from what I can read on the blog). And ye know the hell with the haters.

  • ilene says:

    I am for all intensive purposes a practicing Buddhist. It is this and writing that prevent me from going mad!

    • Running in Mommyland says:

      Yes…. we should be friends! Isn’t it funny how blogging can connect you with people who are so similar! The more I read about Buddhism, the more interested I become.

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