A Birthday on Thanksgiving

November 21, 2012 § 6 Comments

Thanksgiving is coming, but instead of being enthusiastic about the holiday itself, I’m excited about celebrating my daughters’ birthday; born five years ago on Thanksgiving day, 2007.

It was a wild ride – pregnancy with twins; months of bed rest, nervous ultrasounds, undetermined blood tests. Especially after several losses.

The fact that my turkeys arrived on Thanksgiving day was like a gift from the stars.

It came with a message that said …

“Here you go. Here is what you wished for. Here is the meaning of your life. These two 4-pounders are your daughters and they’ve been born on Thanksgiving day so that you never forget how grateful you must be for the gift of their lives on this Earth.”

And I was grateful. More grateful than for anything I’d ever received.

And while I was swimming in gratefulness, recovering from a nasty c-section, pulling my IV drip back and forth to the nursery despite pleas from nurses to rest, I was also arguing with my husband and begging nurses to make him leave. We had fought throughout the pregnancy. I never felt loved and I always felt alone when he came around.

We couldn’t get along, even at this most blessed time. Our paths were divergent despite the impending arrival of two growing babies with our DNA.

My divorce has been a long time coming. It is painful and ugly, and strips me of my will to smile whenever I’m in his presence.

But tomorrow I’m determined to (just) be thankful for my girls. They gave me what I always wanted. I wanted to be a mom.

My errands today will revolve around preparations for the celebration. A cake with mermaids will be picked up and their LeapFrog Tablet will be wrapped.

It’s a pretty neat present for a couple of five year olds; easy to get, picked out from Target.

I only wish I was able to give them the best gift of all; the gift of a happy family. Children with happy, intact families are the luckiest of all.

For this, I am ungrateful. Ungrateful, without thanks, and hoping that they never suffer from the knowledge of their unluckiness; the failure of their parents stripping them of what should have been their right.

M.

When your child/children were born, did you feel like it brought you and your spouse closer or did it put more stress on an already strained relationship? What will you be giving thanks for tomorrow around your dinner table?

People often ask how I managed to care for two babies at once. Look at those faces; pure joy, all the time. Their first year was the best time of my life.

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§ 6 Responses to A Birthday on Thanksgiving

  • kim says:

    They are such lovely girls, and truly a blessing! This brought me to tears! You deserve love, happiness, support, and kindness from your mate…and you will have that in your next relationship! I have found it is hard not to lose yourself in a relationship when you get married, and it is hard not to lose the relationship when you become a family…I am trying to regain my footing, my sense of self, and my relationship…all while focusing on the family. Marriage is hard work, parenting is hard work, parenting together is really hard work. I won’t lie, having children is the best thing we ever did…but it has been and continues to be a strain on our relationship. The sleepless nights, the raw nerves…I just wish he could be on my side sometimes, without question, without quarrell…but I am reminded every day of why I fell in love with my husband…as much as his OCD drives me INSANE, and his lack of patience grates on mine…he is an excellent father, a good person, and I know he loves me. We are finding our way back in our relationship, within the family, and I have found that focusing a bit on me makes me more able to give to the relationship, and the relationship is a strong foundation for a happy family…I must say your blog has helped me with that…it’s ok for me to take time for me, it is actually imperative! Hugs and kisses to you and your blessings on Thanksgiving!

  • Theresa says:

    I watch a lot of Dr Phil (yeah yeah I know), but he says one thing often that I really love:
    Children would rather come from a broken home than live in one.

    They can still have a happy family. It is just different.

  • Christine says:

    Happy Birthday to your beautiful girls. ohmygoodness that picture of the two of them! So adorable! And what a wonderful gift on Thanksgiving. I think that Kim said it all really well. It’s all really hard and having kids definitely changed the nature and tenor of our relationship. It’s not the same but I guess that’s also because the dynamic of our family has changed to include the boys. We are a continuing work in progress and sometimes it is hard for me to find my sense of self within the family/relationship. You DO deserve to have someone who loves and supports you. I also have a feeling that your girls know that they are so very loved by their mama.

    • Martha Merrill Wills says:

      I’ve been thinking about a future post entitled, “How Hard is Hard?” It’s true what people say about marriage being hard and that it needs work, but there is a limit to how difficult something should be. I guess the basic litmus is respect. If there is respect, anything is do-able! Happy Thanksgiving!

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