July 8, 2012 § 17 Comments
I’ve been sitting in front of a blinking cursor for most of the morning writing and trashing and then leaving to surf only to return to try, try again.
The one certainty to this mess of writers block has been the title.
It’s how I feel right about now; surrounded by cracked eggs, tip toeing over them, trying not to slip and fall.
My mother has taken the girls to the town parade and then to the grocery store and (if they are lucky) to the dollar store, too.
I should run. I should do something. Instead I sit here not quite able to do anything.
A decision has been made and my excitement over the future is quelled by the paralyzing nature of such a life turning event.
It’s not like saying that you are going to write a book or run a marathon.
A divorce doesn’t have a finish line (with kids involved) and it’s not something that can be held up with pride like one’s first published novel.
There’s no pride in seeing a divorce sitting upon your shelf.
There’s a strange thing that happens when you know the time has come. When the pain of the past is put away and the anger is gone.
As if fairy magic has poofed it away.
And my inner peace makes the decision less about flailing and proving my rightness.
I did the best I could and I gave it all I had, but it still might take a little time to sweep away the mess, to find my way around the broken shells and stickiness that have up to now caused me so much strife.
There’s beauty is knowing that underneath the goo is a shiny new floor (or in this case, a life).
A shining clean slate upon which new steps will be taken. Big leaps of faith. Less tip toeing. More stomping in the direction of an existence full of possibilities.
And there is this hope.
Hope and love.
Peace and acceptance.
Only now do I understand and for that I am more grateful than I am afraid.
June 1, 2012 § 6 Comments
My husband and I have been going round and round with the same issues.
It’s caused a major rift that seeps into all things and we often find it hard to be nice to each other.
This morning it started again. Same cycle. Same frustration. Same wish that it could be different.
As I made my coffee I started to hum the Randy Newman song that I’d first heard in the film entitled Beaches way back in 1988.
“…human kindness is overflowing and I think it’s gonna rain today.”
Minutes later when I got on the computer to start my work, one of the first things I saw was a story about a young American man being caught on video demonstrating an act of kindness to a stranger in a foreign land. Read the article here. It’s beautiful and the video has gone viral.
Just now while blog surfing and waiting for the kids to get out of the bath tub (we’re headed to a Princess Party), I read this.
Human kindness is overflowing.
My subconscious (forgive me 50 Shades readers) and the Universe reminded me of what is important.
Have a great and kind filled weekend.
May 11, 2012 § 10 Comments
I needed to run so badly this morning that had I not gone I would have ended up in the Whole Foods parking lot bingeing on a dozen of their mini cupcakes while crying and blowing my nose on brown paper napkins. Mad can do this to me.
My mad always makes me run faster and so I wore my Garmin to monitor my pace.
My index finger scrolled the iPhone past Britney and Colbie, landing on Eminem. His aggression mixed with my mood made for even faster running and release of negative energies.
Sweating out the mad made room for the glad.
The glad and the happy started to flow as fresh blood was pushed through my heart. It was released through a toothy smile, flying hands and some serious public rear end shaking.
4.73 miles later and I almost felt totally better.
I went to my afternoon meet up with the pre-school moms I love. Sitting on a sunny playground and sharing our lives with honesty and compassion made my hurt feelings dissipate. Shared experiences will do that.
Though the cause of my mad is currently working in his office around the corner from the dining room, unaware that he still must be careful with his words or I might just bite him, my frown has actually been turned upside down.
I still might bite that big meanie if he can’t grab hold of that wicked tongue fighting from inside his mouth, but thus far I have not done any biting of husbands or real cake.
In my estimation that’s a pretty successful day.
Wouldn’t you say?
December 11, 2011 § 1 Comment
My husband is hardly ever sick. When he does get a bug, he still manages to go to work (or work from home if he’s really germy). For him to tell me that he wants to go to the hospital means that he’s in bad shape. He can barely straighten up to walk.
I dropped him off at the entrance to the ER and helped him out of the car. I parked and then started to walk around to the passenger side to grab the laptop bag. I realized I parked terribly and went back to the driver’s seat, re-aligned the Sequoia with the door open, felt much better about my placement between the white lines, and finally did grab the computers.
Brian was given a pager, for when the Triage nurse is ready for him. We wait.
I’m really sorry that hubby is hurt. If we weren’t sitting amongst the germiest people in Raleigh, I might actually be enjoying myself. The girls are with Peach and I’m going to write, surf, and listen to the Christmas music coming through the ceiling speakers.
Let’s pray I don’t get sick 2-5 days from now.